No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
