It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
Randomize
