i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
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