U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
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