he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
Randomize
