She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Randomize
