i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
