I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
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