I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
Randomize
