The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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