For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
Randomize