I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
