I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
Randomize
