Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
Randomize
