the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
Randomize
