So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
i think my cat just said my name.
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
Randomize
