Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Randomize
