I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
So squirting runs in the family.
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Randomize
