remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
Randomize