Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
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