really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
Randomize
