Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
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