I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
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