He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Randomize
