Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
Randomize
