I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
