as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
Are we still banned from the library?
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
Randomize
