Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
Randomize
