So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
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