They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Randomize
