Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
There was a lot of him and a little penis
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
Randomize
