I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
Dick very happy bro
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
