That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
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