You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
Randomize
