I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
