so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
