I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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