Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
Randomize
