I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
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