paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
Randomize
