How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
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