Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
Randomize
