In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Randomize
