3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
I just got carded by a ten year old.
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
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