Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
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