if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
He? As in you personified your dick?
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
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