the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
