he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
I HOPE YOU ENJOY THIS VDIEPO BECAUSE I AMS ENDIONG A LOKT OF EFFORT RECORIDNG IT
I ONLY PARTIALLY KNOW WHAT YOU SAID. BUT I THINK I WILL LIKE IT.
I effort
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
Randomize
