yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Randomize
