Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
Randomize
