i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
he wants to bone in the snuggie
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
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