i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
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