My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
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