I just pynch a tree in the face
Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
Randomize
