hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
Randomize
