hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
Randomize
