Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
