Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize
