I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
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