New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
