I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
Randomize
