1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
Randomize
