Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
We don't watch enough power rangers
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
Randomize
