I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
So I just went to clothing optional bar
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize
