you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
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