im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
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