Farmville is her only friend.
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
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