Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
Randomize
