Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
Randomize
