Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
Your topless pictures make me question reality
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
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