I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
Randomize
