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• (281): View more from Texas

  i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy

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• (718): View more from New York

  Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!

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• (352): View more from Florida

  I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"

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• (304): View more from West Virginia

  hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy

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• (860): View more from Connecticut

  He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..

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• (303): View more from Colorado

  Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?

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• (720): View more from Colorado

  my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.

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• (605): View more from South Dakota

  Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.

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• (616): View more from Michigan

  Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom

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• (816): View more from Missouri

  We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.

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• (580): View more from Oklahoma

  Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...

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• (734): View more from Michigan

  I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse

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• (419): View more from Ohio

  You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.

  (419): View more from Ohio

  Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.

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• (714): View more from California

  I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.

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• (267): View more from Pennsylvania

  Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.

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