you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Randomize
