C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
My feet surprised me
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize
