I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
The uberlube is also flammable
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
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