The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
Randomize
