I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
Good cause the way I see it, we are down to DAYS left of college so we should have as much naked fun as possible. And Jenga really facilitates that.
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
Randomize
