i am a beautiful darrk chocolate womann
honey you're def caucasian
i am a beautiful white cholcllate woman.... Z
he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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