New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
Randomize
