Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
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