and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
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