I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Randomize
