Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
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